I'm proud of me.
Today, I made 18 cups of Summer Squash Soup. I weeded. I took a long walk, made a deposit at the bank, and went to the library. I thinned the carrots. I placed an online order and got 40% off. And made a delicious supper for a friend.
But, I'm also proud of me for my self-awareness. I knew the momentum would fade. And it has.
The glee is weaker, too. I'm still smiling, happy to be in my own space, but the mixed emotions are back. The quietness I savored after weeks of chaos feels lonely again. Hence my trip to the library. I rented a random, lame television series just for more hours of background noise (also terrible acting). I scroll through Hulu and YouTube several times a day, trying to find a new, clean show to watch. I went to the BX one evening, just to walk laps; I didn't buy a thing. I'm already feeling unjustifiable urges to drive to the "city."
I knew it'd happen. Maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophesy. Maybe I'm slowing now, because I expected to. But, I doubt it. I think the crash is inevitable. Now to devise a plan to get us through this phase.
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