I readily acknowledge that I'm an uninitiated, illegitimate military spouse in many peoples' eyes. This is my first base. I know probably only 15% of the total acronyms so far, and my non-comprehension of common procedures shows plainly on my face. I'm giddy when I can find my way home in one try, from a distant part of the base, and I felt like eating a box of chocolates when I could finally navigate through the commissary with zero U-turns.
I'm a newbie because I haven't experienced a deployment yet. And, pretty sure, until you go through at least two or three deployments, you don't get your Legitimacy Badge. Deployments are our crucible.
So, I know that I know nothing about deployments - aside from the repetitive advice passed between other (legitimate) spouses (experiencing current deployments).
But, I can tell you already... deployments magnify everything. Just the prospect of a deployment adds urgency - to the broken sink, to the budgetting goals, to the slowly-dying pet, to the almost-dead vehicle, to the still-unscheduled travel plans. Fears are blown out of proportion. WAY out of proportion. You instinctively catastrophize your marriage - "Our relationship isn't strong enough to handle a deployment right now!" You easily dramatize your arguments - "If we don't resolve this issue now, we may not have another chance for, like, a year!!!" Etc.
At least, I do.
I know myself well enough to suspect, strongly, that I'll be fine when the deployment actually happens. But, apparently, I'm not as skilled at keeping deployments from ruining my current weekend, with my husband. Is there a trick to this?
I read a bumper sticker once, "Live every day like he's going to deploy tomorrow."
Well, yes. That does add perspective to my petty complaints, and fretful to-do lists. Thank you.
But, it also psychs me out. Frankly, if he were leaving tomorrow, I wouldn't worry about cleaning the garage. But, since he's NOT leaving tomorrow, I figure we better do it super-fast, (along with a garage sale, furniture polishing - since I just found the oil, behind your toolbox - and make a master list for our charitable donations) so that it's DONE before he is leaving tomorrow. See? It inflates my perfectionistic goals. Makes me want to position our life at a good "stopping point" for when he doesn't deploy. Which is impossible. Which makes me hysterical.
I can hear the veteran wives protesting, "But life DOESN'T stop when he leaves, and you COULD clean the garage yourself, and you're being kinda silly here--"
... I know. But, how do I stop it? =)
No really. Is there a book for this?
