And then, there were dogs.

The-Day-After-Valentines here in Militaryland means one thing: Active combat with other spouses over the clearance-priced-chocolates at the BX.  Warned by maniacal ("Those Dove chocolates are MINE!") blog posts, I opted to do my scavaging "in town."  With retired, laid-back locals who saunter out of their homes around 9:30, after the cows have been milked, chickens fed, breakfast consumed, and the entire newspaper re-read.  (It only comes out once a week.)

I underestimated.

First, someone dropped a thermometer in the highschool.  Which required a HazMat team, school-shut-down, and evacuation of the entire area.  Beg pardon?  Yes mercury is bad, but it's not nuclear... golly.  So anyhow, displaced highschoolers flooded the (narrow) streets.  And the grocery store.  Which is an unofficial school cafeteria. Because McDonald's is on the other side of town (a whole mile away).

Second, apparently these stores are miserly.  Bags of chocolate, originally priced at extortionist prices ($6.50?  Really?  For 18 pink Butterfingers?) were now 50% off, yes, which means they are now normal prices.  Not sale prices.  Not prices I was willing to pay.  Guess they've figured out we spend a mint in gas, driving to the nearest "city", so a 30% increase on "city prices" actually saves money and compel us to buy here.  Meh.

Third, those retirees are fierce!  *wide-eyed*  I retreated from the Hersheys kisses so fast I collided with the magazine rack.  And no one helped me up.  They were too busy digging for their favorite version of Werthers.

So, I bought non-sale, but-still-cheap chocolate from the Dollar Store.  Then, I went to Walmart and bought baby clothes, (that section was deserted) because ALL my neighbors/colleagues/friends are pregnant, and I foresee a busy baby-shower season.

Then, I headed back to base, because I had a noon-deadline to meet.  And as I approached the gate, I slowed down to exactly 15MPH (because their awful horn blows your eardrums out, if you are going even 16MPH) like a law-abiding citizen.  And was pulled over.  For my first RAM.  (Took me several minutes to deduce that RAM is a Random Anti-terrorism Measure, and not a rebuke/citation/ticket.) 

The ominous guards asked me to open all my doors, my hood, and my trunk.  Trouble is, this is my husband's car.  I don't know how to pop the hood.  So after much negotiating, and me using the correct phrase "You have my permission" Sergeant-Schultz's-twin popped my trunk.  Then I tried to unlock the trunk, but it didn't work.  No matter what I tried.  So, several idiotic minutes later, and two more "you have my permissions," they wrestled my trunk open.  And brought out the dogs.  Who were VERY interested in my chocolate.  And of course, I passed my random inspection.  The guards gave my ID back, and strode over to their next victim.

But then, I couldn't get the trunk to shut.  Silently yelling at my dear husband for never getting the latch fixed, I slammed, and slammed, and slammed, and slammed.  Nope.  Nothing.  Finally, SGT Schultz comes back.  "Everything alright, ma'am?"  Feigning non-embarrassment , I admitted, "I can't get it shut."  So (I gave him permission) he slammed.  And slammed. For ten minutes.  His friend came over and tried.  Nope.

Beet-red, he suddenly (apologetically) inquired, "So, how is your day going?" 

I groped for a diplomatic response.  "Well, there wasn't as much Valentines' clearance chocolate as I was hoping for.  But... the weather is nice."

He grunted, and slammed my trunk again. "Well, you win some - you lose some."