On Cleanliness and Feeling like a Failure

... I visualized this stage so clearly before I was in it.  

I got married a bit later in life, so I had years of listening to my peers mourn their messy homes and disorganized schedules, when their children were young.

And I was all, “Oh, that isn’t important” and “Good job focusing on your children!” and “Don’t worry, you can dust when they’re gone.”  Smiling encouragement, I thought my sentiments were.  

But, now that I’m here in that same phase, when my house isn’t clean, I totally feel like a failure.  My years of previous moralizing evidently did not prevent my own sagging morale at all.  It feels inexorable.  I can’t manage to catch up on laundry and dishes and floors and meals in the same day ev-er.  And I definitely can't figure out how to spot those stained clothes, dust, trim wee fingernails, clip coupons, exercise, shower, weed, mend, glue, de-clutter, donate, sell, fix, babysit, write, reply to, call-back, schedule, or ohmygosh DO CRAFTING.

And I feel like a failure.  I just do.

My most frequent question is, “How do all those other women do this?”  It seems they manage so much better.  No idea how. 

And I only have ONE child.  (<-- The ultimate shaming thought.)

But, the other day, I was admitting this mental struggle to a mother of 7 (soon to be 8!) and she sympathetically said, "It's kinda like running.  When you start running, that first mile kicks your butt!  And then, you keep doing it for a while, and you get it down.  Then, the second mile kicks your butt - but never quite as shockingly as the first mile.  The third kid is tough, I tell you, because you are suddenly outnumbered.  You can't put one on each side of you on the couch anymore, you're always one hand short, you can't possibly get all three to nap at the same time.  But, by the fourth child, it's like a familiar sort of struggle.  Like adding the fourth mile to your running routine."

This comforted me.  Except that I've never made it to that break-through point with running; I always got injured.  Ironic, no?  *chuckle*

But maybe, someday, I'll be able to legitimately compare parenting to, say, swimming.  A really, really far distance.