As a fresh new military spouse, I used to downplay my role. When officials would ask, "Are you the active duty member?" I'd demure, "Oh no, I'm just the spouse." And often, they would kindly correct me, "Oh ma'am, you're not JUST a spouse! You make all the difference!" It was deeply heartwarming, especially since I wasn't expecting it back then. I felt very much like a tag-a-long, unsure of my place.
Now, I've gotten used to this lifestyle, and my role within it. Sure, I can barely remember my own SSN anymore, but I often feel that my personal sacrifice and role is acknowledged and appreciated, in addition to my husband's.
So, the other day, when I was asked if my husband was the active member, I smilingly said yes - in fact, he's deployed right now.
"Oh," she rolled her eyes, "so you're just the parasite!"
I started to laugh politely, but glancing at her face, I saw she wasn't joking. At all. I was so caught off guard, I don't even remember what I said. A faint attempt to disagree - a weak, "Well, I don't think of it like that--" or something else similarily generic may have escaped my mouth, or maybe that was just in my head. Really not sure. I didn't want to seem defensive or arrogant, but gosh. Parasite. That felt harsh.
I walked to my car, put my daughter in her seat, and pondered all the way home: How should I have handled that?
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