Military 101: Handling Civilians

It's awkward.  As soon as you identify yourself as a military spouse, the questions begin.  They're often thoughtless inquiries, and each wife develops her own style of reply.  Usually, we first try to deter you with concise replies:

"Is your husband gone alot?"
"Yes."
"Do you miss him?"
"Yes."
"Does he ever shoot a gun?"
"Yes."
"Will he deploy to dangerous places?"
"Most likely."

Then, unless you catch our hint, the conversation will escalate to more specific concerns, and sometimes we get a little snarky:

"Isn't it hard, having a husband who isn't around take care of you? "
"Actually my husband takes wonderful care of me; thank you for your interest!"

"How do you feel about the war?"
"Oh, I love war!  Especially war movies, with lots of violence and handsome heroes who die... Don't you?"

Aaaaand, my personal favorite:
"How likely is it that your husband will die?"

Here I usually smile, and answer candidly: "Alot less likely than your husband dying, while commuting on American freeways."

* * *

But, some days, you just can't find an answer.

Today, in the mall, one of my fellow military wives was nursing her baby, in the communal play area.  An artificially-blonde woman settled nearby, and began to chat. 

"Are you from around here?" 
"Yes, I live on the base." 
"Ah, where is your husband?"
"Actually, he left yesterday, on a deployment." 
"Oh, you poor dear!"
"Yeah, yesterday was definitely a rough day.  But, we'll manage.  We're usually able to talk on the phone regularily, which is nice."

"I'm just going to cry now for you!"  The woman was evidently very sweet, but also very dramatic.  "I just," she sniffled, "I just hate the war so much!  It's so stupid, all these men dying, for absolutely nothing!"

My friend blinked, stunned.  Nothing quite like being told that your spouse's job, your lifestyle, and the discomforts of military life are not only unappreciated, but also pointless!

Later in the car, we decided we should script a response, for nitwits like the blonde lady.  If we had it to do over again, we'd say something like this:

Ma'am, I certainly understand your feelings, and respect your opinion.  In fact, I'm thankful that you expressed yourself, because it's a great reminder that we live in a darn free land, where you aren't shot for disagreeing with our national leaders' decisions. 

We don't like war either, and yes, it's awful to have our husbands leave.  But, we believe in freedom - so do you, clearly - and we support our military's work to protect us from those who don't believe in freedom!  So, I'd thank you to remember that the only reason you are even allowed to criticize my husband's job is precisely because he's doing his job, and keeping you free.

Naturally, it's always easier to articulate indignance, in the privacy of one's own SUV.  Maybe we should print our little diatribe on business cards, hehehe... I bet they'd sell.